All couples have problems -but here`s a guide to how you can tell if it`s the end or whether there`s a copromise that will keep everyone Happy .
Affair`s Not Over -Dealbreaker
- Relationships can survive an affair ,but not when it didn`t really end.Maybe he is not seeing her anymore -but you just can`t forgive him for not being sorry enough .
- Or perhaps you fear he still has feelings for her .An affair is like a bomb detonating -and it can take years to clear.
Deal Maker
- A clear case of counselling if you can afford it if you are spiritual a Pastor might help.Unresolved anger can be damaging than the initial betrayal-because it affects respect for each other , intimacy and sex .
- A good counsellor can help you to confront the issues and improve your chances of saving the marriage .
Career (or) Family - Dealbreaker
- Ambition is fine -unless it comes at the expense od family life .If one of you gets the promotion and the fat salary ,along with the long hours ,travel and exhaustion , It means the other has no choice but to hold the fort at home -putting either their own ambitions on ice .
DealMaker
- You must both think of the implications of the dream job .It maybe all you wanted but if the pay off is never seeing each other ,you have to question your priorities .
A strict rule on "Coming Home Times " or "No laptop after seven " can work, but if it`s a job that`s going to eat into familt time constantly and there`s no compromise with the boss .It may be time to rethink the career plan and opt for one that offers more happiness .
Denying There`s A Problem - Dealbreaker
- The most dangerous of all because unless he`s prepared to admit there`s an issue -a violent temper ,drugs or alcohol ,or simply an inability to hold down a job - ther is little you can do to change the situation.
Dealmaker
- If he wont face up to destructive behaviour , you need to protect yourself -and that may mean leaving , on the understanding that you`re not coming back until he faces up to the truth .
- If substance abuse is the issue , contact al-non ,the support group for friends and family of addicts - and if it`s less obvious ,ask a trusted friend to speak to him .Ultimately you must be prepared to walk away ,unless he gets help.
No Sex Please - Dealbreaker
- Marriages can survive without sex for a long periods -but that`s different from a sexless marriage .When one or both have lost all desire , it can be symptomatic of either a deep emotional problem or a physical issue in need of treatment like menopause or erectile dysfunction .If the problem is not solved the risk of a break up is high .
Dealmaker
- It`s way beyond "spice things up in the bedroom".You need to reach the core of the trouble , and that means asking yourselves difficult questions compassionately .
- Hurling blame , or asuming the worst -"you don`t fancy me .....there`s someone else ...."- are destructive .Instead , consider psycho -sexual counselling or -if you are sure the trouble is physical -visit the GP.
- No sex means what you have is friendship - and you deserve a lot more .
No Kids For Me - Dealbreaker
- There`s no comprise here .Maybe you always hoped he`d want them one day .Perhaps he made it clear he wasn`t interested , but you couldn`t believe it .Or now you have changed your mind .Either way ,he`s adamant he doesn`t want to be a father .
""" You can`t trick him into getting pregnant-Its just wrong """
Dealmaker
- Probe his reasons-"I don`t want to be like my dad " or "we can`t afford it "- leave room for manoeuvre . But if he knows he just doens`t want children you have a choice but to respect his views .Tricking him into getting pregnant is wrong - so you need to face reality .If you really want babies you are not having them with him .So it may be time to move on .
By Flick Everett
Jus thought it might be of help to some of you guys interesting ?
